Sometimes the default modes--solving problems, meeting needs, changing people--make it hard to see what is already there that provides a path to the world we want. Let's take this idea to the organizational level.
A few years ago, a major U.S. telephone company called in a large consulting firm. Some 80 percent of the company's female employees had reported experiencing sexual harassment on the job. The company wanted the consultants to solve the problem.
The consultants brought in lawyers and trainers, and organized a series of workshops. It wasn't long before employees stopped showing up to the sessions. It became more difficult for them to talk about the subject. Reports of harassment actually increased.
Puzzled, one of the consultants called David Cooperrider, who we met earlier. Right away, David asked, "Well, what do you want?"
"We want sexual harassment to stop."
"No," said David. "What do you want?"
Again came the same answer.
David repeated his question a third time.
The exasperated consultant sputtered, "Don't you get it? Don't you know what sexual harassment is? We want it to stop."
"How about you talk it over with the folks there and call me back when you know what you want," said David.
The next day his phone rang again. "OK, we've got it," said the consultant. "We want effective cross-gender working relationships."
"Good," David responded. "Now we have a place to begin."
He then introduced the consultant to a systematic way of focusing on what people want to move toward, rather than what they don't want. Employees were asked to identify and describe high-quality working relationships between men and women at the company. David thought they might find a couple dozen stories.
They found hundreds. And reports of sexual harassment began to decline.
The change came about because people became clear about what they wanted, and then intentionally sought to see more of it already in their midst. They began paying attention to times when men and women worked well together, instead of dwelling on the times when those relationships caused distress.
In sharp contrast, the initial round of anti-harassment training--a bureaucratic dressing-down replete with cautionary tales and dreary lists of "don'ts"--had left the employees feeling they'd fallen short. The implicit message from management was that employees were untrustworthy and that elaborate rules were required to keep them from betraying their colleagues.
Thanks to David's intervention, they learned that they weren't really a bunch of jerks. They saw themselves differently. Their sense of competency and confidence grew when they saw they were already capable of having high-quality working relationships.
When we take time to notice it, we may find we already have more of what we want than we thought.